Making a difference... can it be done?

I have been so busy the last little while, that I have barely gotten the chance to think about things let alone write! But now tat the dust is settling, I have a reflection to share. Domestic violence. What is it? Does it have to involve physical fighting? How do you help someone who refuses to acknowledge a problem?

I had a client recently who presented with huge and overwhelming evidence of domestic violence in her life. Over a seven week period, no HCP who came in contact with her (and there were alot, two hospitals, three wards!) doubted that her partner was abusive, and many asked me what I was "doing about it". I had discussed the evidence with my client over and over. She denied abuse. She denied personal danger, and declined information on violent relationships. I referred her to social work, expressing to the SW the concerns that existed: My client denied violence. An episode occurred in the hospital, with security and police called. A referral was made to CYPFs. They did an assessment of the environment, and cleared her for discharge. There was not enough evidence of abuse, despite all the concerns raised.

And so, I wonder. We live in this country at present in a climate of intoerance for abuse. Ad's on TV tell us clearly and repeatedly, "It's not ok." The murder of the Kahui twins, of Nia Glassie, and of so many other babies, are held up as warnings. We must intervene, HCP's are told. We must ask every woman if she is abused. But if the woman says she isn't, then nothing, nothing can be done. I don't know for certain if this woman was abused. I don't know for certain that she or her baby were or are at risk. I know we had a trusting, caring relationship. I know she knew it was safe to tell me things... because there were other issues which she did disclose and seek my assistance with. But what is it that we should do, what is that we should say, that will make it possible to change the abuse cycle?

Answers on a postcard.