This post was a while ago, but I now have a follow up on the story, that raises more questions than it answers.
I was at the hospital the other day, and ran into the social worker involved in that case. She asked me if I had heard from CYPFS. "Errrm, no?" I replied, slightly confuzzled.
She then told me that my client has been admitted to hospital twice after beatings, and the child is now at the centre of a massive custody battle. The partner is wanted by the police for assault and battery and CYPF's are asking why "something wasn't DONE". WTF? we BEGGED them to do something! Everyone who was involved in the case had nightmares about the potential headlines, and now, although it is not the baby being beaten (to our knowledge) they are coming true, and WE are in the wrong!???
Sorry, got a bit carried away there. I guess my point is, that this woman had the right and the responsibility to avail herself of help all those months ago. While I agree it is sad that she may now lose her child, this was her decision. Her plan to "change him" didn't pan out, and now, the shit has (predictably) hit the fan. but, my question to you, my intelligent and opionated readers, is what could I have done to hellp her make a different, better decision? Anything? Suggestions, please!
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Self fullfilling prophecies.
In my everyday life, I believe in self fulfilling prophecies. If you think it, you may make it so. I often use this method to try and get my vacuuming done... but although that doesn't often work, I still believe that what we think might happen often comes to be so. And the more energy we give to that thought, the more likely it is to occur. For example, I believed I would be happier when I started my independent practice. I thought I would have more time for my family, and be more energetic. I believed it had to be better than working in the hospital. And it has so very definitely come to pass.
But, like every good thing, it has it's reverse aspect. negative beliefs seem to be given more mind space, and so often, we believe in a negative. So we believe that we CANNOT. Cannot achieve, cannot succeed, cannot birth. And that is what sparks this post. A woman, who honestly has said to me at every one of her (22!!) Antenatal visits, "I will need a cesarean" in some variation, finally began labour at 41+3. She then contracted for twelve hours at three minutes apart, lasting a minute to ninety seconds, and managed to get to ........ 2 cm dilated. The head was high, the contractions were "unbearable" and slowly, but surely, things went Tit's up. FH was high, and a CTG was commenced. Baseline: 160 bpm. Long story short, after about 16 hours of labour, a cesarean section was performed, with a FH baseline of 200 bpm. At 2 cm's. A normal size baby in OA position was born, with heavy mec staining and apgars of 6&9.
Why did this happen? Did she believe this would happen because intuitively she knew there was going to be a problem? Or did her belief create the reality? Could I have saved her alot of heartache by pushing for an elective CS at term for maternal request? Would she have even been happy if she wasn't "saved" by the doctors who operated to deliver her of her burden? I struggle with this aspect: How do you help the woman who wants to be saved, not empowered? Is it right to try and empower someone who sees herself as inadequate, and doesn't mind?
Agatha raises interesting points about language here and a similar vein of discussion occurs on One Hot Mama's site. Both of these post's struck a chord with me, originally sparked by Barbara. I don't know quite how my ramblings are going to end up linked to their thoughts on language and empowerment, but it is brewing. Just so you all know.
But, like every good thing, it has it's reverse aspect. negative beliefs seem to be given more mind space, and so often, we believe in a negative. So we believe that we CANNOT. Cannot achieve, cannot succeed, cannot birth. And that is what sparks this post. A woman, who honestly has said to me at every one of her (22!!) Antenatal visits, "I will need a cesarean" in some variation, finally began labour at 41+3. She then contracted for twelve hours at three minutes apart, lasting a minute to ninety seconds, and managed to get to ........ 2 cm dilated. The head was high, the contractions were "unbearable" and slowly, but surely, things went Tit's up. FH was high, and a CTG was commenced. Baseline: 160 bpm. Long story short, after about 16 hours of labour, a cesarean section was performed, with a FH baseline of 200 bpm. At 2 cm's. A normal size baby in OA position was born, with heavy mec staining and apgars of 6&9.
Why did this happen? Did she believe this would happen because intuitively she knew there was going to be a problem? Or did her belief create the reality? Could I have saved her alot of heartache by pushing for an elective CS at term for maternal request? Would she have even been happy if she wasn't "saved" by the doctors who operated to deliver her of her burden? I struggle with this aspect: How do you help the woman who wants to be saved, not empowered? Is it right to try and empower someone who sees herself as inadequate, and doesn't mind?
Agatha raises interesting points about language here and a similar vein of discussion occurs on One Hot Mama's site. Both of these post's struck a chord with me, originally sparked by Barbara. I don't know quite how my ramblings are going to end up linked to their thoughts on language and empowerment, but it is brewing. Just so you all know.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
what a year....
Well, it is one day off of the last day of the year. This one has literally whipped past me in a whirl! But what a great year it has been. No really bad things have happened to me or any of mine, and lots of good things have, with engagements, weddings, career changes and all sorts of positive things happening. Professionally, my world has changed more than I would ever have anticipated, and right now, I love my life. I have a great rewarding job, wonderfully supportive colleagues who appreciate me, respect and autonomy up the wazoo. At home, my kids are all happy and healthy, despite the normal road bumps of adolescence, OH and I could not be happier, and are sound for the first time in a long time. I have amazing friends who I love to be around and enough time and money to do stuff with them.
This sounds all very gloaty, but actually, it comes from a place of real gratitude. Two years ago, I was broke, depressed, terrified of failing, on the verge of losing my relationship and my kids and in a bad place in many other ways. This is a message to give hope to those people who are now looking down the barrel of the new year wondering how the hell they are going to survive it. Not only have I survived, I have thrived and my world is a wonderful place to be! Thanks and blessings to the Goddess for holding me to the path that I needed to trudge along to come to this place of happiness. Joy to the people who trudged it with me. Peace and Hope to the people facing such a journey themselves.
This sounds all very gloaty, but actually, it comes from a place of real gratitude. Two years ago, I was broke, depressed, terrified of failing, on the verge of losing my relationship and my kids and in a bad place in many other ways. This is a message to give hope to those people who are now looking down the barrel of the new year wondering how the hell they are going to survive it. Not only have I survived, I have thrived and my world is a wonderful place to be! Thanks and blessings to the Goddess for holding me to the path that I needed to trudge along to come to this place of happiness. Joy to the people who trudged it with me. Peace and Hope to the people facing such a journey themselves.
Monday, December 24, 2007
My daemon
I just discovered the golden Compass website, and thought I'd stick this in for a giggle. Does it match me?
Saturday, December 22, 2007
About my family.
I have a big family. My kids have an even bigger family. This makes this time of year somewhat of a challenge. So I thought, I'll spend a few moments, and reflect on my fandamily and just why it is that I do like em, and enjoy being around them!
To start at the bottom, and work my way up, my youngest brother J, is 21. He is a real baby of the family. He was born when I was ten, and so I have always been a bit separate from him: By the time he was six I had moved out of home, and when he was seven, I was a Mum. So, in some ways, I never really was a kid with him. But I remember the day he was born: My first experience of labour, my first awareness of how babies got into the world. He was eight weeks early, and affected by RH isoimmunisation, so not exactly normal, but he was a fighter. I know his life is hard for him at the moment, and I hope that he knows he can come to me if I need him.
Then there is M. My little sister, now 24, a newly married woman, and a Mum of three, with her fourth beauty on the way. She is also a loving step mum of one more. I have to say, if there was a sibling who is closest to all the other sibling's, it is M. She keeps up with everybody, better than anybody. She is smart, fun and talented, with a gorgeous voice and rhythm which rocks. She is skinny and pretty and a spectacular aunty. She is brave (anyone who goes on a several week long tour of the country in a camper van with two kids under two is definitely brave) and a caring wonderful person, who I am proud to know, let alone have had a hand in developing.
Next up the list is JP. 27 years old, Dad to one beautiful little girl and about to be married, at which point he will also become step dad to a lovely lad who we have had in our family since he was about three. JP is the quiet one. He doesn't say alot, but when he does, he means it. He is around in a quiet kind of way, but has a bit of a temper. I remember him best as a sixteen year old, who would babysit for his nieces, and who stayed home to care for our dad when he was terminally ill. JP is unique, and a right typical kiwi bloke, rough on the outside and sincere and sweet on the inside.
I am the next one in the family, and right before me is my big sister, D. 35 years old, and linked to in a previous post, D was my nemesis as a child. She was the talented one, the smart one, and most definitely the pretty one. She was the one I should have been more like: But funny, isn't it, how when you grow up, you find out things aren't always what they seem to be, and she felt much the same about me? D and I have established an ever expanding common ground since the birth of her daughter,who is the same age as my DS. She was one of my strong supporters when I decided to return to study, and has been a huge help in the technical and artistic side of setting up my practice. She is also the most talented artist in the family!
In pole position, first born in our tribe, is yet another J, JD. My parents weren't very imaginative with boy names! J is now 38, and he and I have always had a difficult relationship. J made some choices in life that I would not have. we have spent years incommunicado. But in the last two years, he has worked hard to begin turning his life around. He is clean now, and even beginning to gain some weight. And I am proud of him.
As referred to earlier, my dad passed away nearly ten years ago. He is missed. Nothing will ever replace him, but he taught us all well. Family are the people you choose to have around you, and they are the most important thing. So to top off our family, we have my Mum, G, and her partner, believe it or not, J. They have been together for nine years, and he is my kids Grandad, even though Dad is too. And Mum? Our relationship is not perfect. She can be a bit neurotic, sometimes hard to deal with, but at the end of the day, she raised six kids to be pretty awesome people, if my round up holds any sway. And she loves us. And we love her.
So that is why, on Christmas day, I will have a day of catching up with my family, and will enjoy doing so.
All up, six kids, four partners, ten nieces and nephews, Matriarch, step dad, and more than a few extra in laws, if the past is anything to go by. And that is just in the afternoon.
To start at the bottom, and work my way up, my youngest brother J, is 21. He is a real baby of the family. He was born when I was ten, and so I have always been a bit separate from him: By the time he was six I had moved out of home, and when he was seven, I was a Mum. So, in some ways, I never really was a kid with him. But I remember the day he was born: My first experience of labour, my first awareness of how babies got into the world. He was eight weeks early, and affected by RH isoimmunisation, so not exactly normal, but he was a fighter. I know his life is hard for him at the moment, and I hope that he knows he can come to me if I need him.
Then there is M. My little sister, now 24, a newly married woman, and a Mum of three, with her fourth beauty on the way. She is also a loving step mum of one more. I have to say, if there was a sibling who is closest to all the other sibling's, it is M. She keeps up with everybody, better than anybody. She is smart, fun and talented, with a gorgeous voice and rhythm which rocks. She is skinny and pretty and a spectacular aunty. She is brave (anyone who goes on a several week long tour of the country in a camper van with two kids under two is definitely brave) and a caring wonderful person, who I am proud to know, let alone have had a hand in developing.
Next up the list is JP. 27 years old, Dad to one beautiful little girl and about to be married, at which point he will also become step dad to a lovely lad who we have had in our family since he was about three. JP is the quiet one. He doesn't say alot, but when he does, he means it. He is around in a quiet kind of way, but has a bit of a temper. I remember him best as a sixteen year old, who would babysit for his nieces, and who stayed home to care for our dad when he was terminally ill. JP is unique, and a right typical kiwi bloke, rough on the outside and sincere and sweet on the inside.
I am the next one in the family, and right before me is my big sister, D. 35 years old, and linked to in a previous post, D was my nemesis as a child. She was the talented one, the smart one, and most definitely the pretty one. She was the one I should have been more like: But funny, isn't it, how when you grow up, you find out things aren't always what they seem to be, and she felt much the same about me? D and I have established an ever expanding common ground since the birth of her daughter,who is the same age as my DS. She was one of my strong supporters when I decided to return to study, and has been a huge help in the technical and artistic side of setting up my practice. She is also the most talented artist in the family!
In pole position, first born in our tribe, is yet another J, JD. My parents weren't very imaginative with boy names! J is now 38, and he and I have always had a difficult relationship. J made some choices in life that I would not have. we have spent years incommunicado. But in the last two years, he has worked hard to begin turning his life around. He is clean now, and even beginning to gain some weight. And I am proud of him.
As referred to earlier, my dad passed away nearly ten years ago. He is missed. Nothing will ever replace him, but he taught us all well. Family are the people you choose to have around you, and they are the most important thing. So to top off our family, we have my Mum, G, and her partner, believe it or not, J. They have been together for nine years, and he is my kids Grandad, even though Dad is too. And Mum? Our relationship is not perfect. She can be a bit neurotic, sometimes hard to deal with, but at the end of the day, she raised six kids to be pretty awesome people, if my round up holds any sway. And she loves us. And we love her.
So that is why, on Christmas day, I will have a day of catching up with my family, and will enjoy doing so.
All up, six kids, four partners, ten nieces and nephews, Matriarch, step dad, and more than a few extra in laws, if the past is anything to go by. And that is just in the afternoon.
only you
Moving slowly through sunstreaked days
nothing there to hold my gaze
you're the one who moves my mind
always there to hide behind
what will I do without you there
being the one with whom I share
all the things I see each day
what will I do if you go away?
nothing there to hold my gaze
you're the one who moves my mind
always there to hide behind
what will I do without you there
being the one with whom I share
all the things I see each day
what will I do if you go away?
Thursday, December 20, 2007
November the month from hell....
My absence from the blog of late has not been due to my abandonment of blogging, but rather to the existence of the month from hell. With one of my midwfiery partners away for the month, tending to family in lands far away, my other partner and I delivered a total of 21 babies between us in the month of November! My eight consisted of one CS, one water birth, and two ventouse deliveries, the rest all beautiful NVD's, with one of those a VBAC.
My partner sadly, had a series of long haul labours, and several CS, which left her pretty shattered! This meant that we had a heavy load of postnatal work to do as well, and all things considered, we had a hell of a month.
On a personal level, that month also coincided with the organisation of my beautiful younger sisters wedding, which took place on a blissfully sunny day at the beach on the 1st of december. So I also organised a hens night, decorated my first wedding cake (it was ok, nothing exciting) and got to catch up with the wonderful girls who are and have been importnat to my sister, including her bridesmaid Nicky, flown from the distant shores of Australia to spend four whirlwind days with us!
Years ago, when they were teens, Nicky and my sister used to babysit frequently for my girls. Imagine Nicky's surprise on arriving at my sisters to discover the five year old she used to care for standing there, taller than her!
I also did several study days, had my wallet and all my ID stolen from the hospital and lived with next to no income without having any major disasters. It was also the month that lead into the end of my first year of practice: trial by fire anyone?
So, now, I wake up and find myself already at the end of December, a qualified practitioner for over a year, discharging the first of my clients back into the bad bad world. The christmass shopping is done, the presents are laid out with care under the tree. Even the christmas grocery shop has been completed, online, last night for delivery on Xmas eve.
I am preparing (slowly) for my midwifery standards review in january, and slowly starting to get my head around the fact that I am now a self employed responsible member of society. freaky.
The lady in my post on miscarriage has just discovered that she is pregnant again. she is both happy and scared, tenuously clinging to the fear that this may still not be the right time, but relieved to have conceived easily... It is all very difficult for her emotionally, but physically her body is right on track.
My children all got lovely reports,and are all doing well: though one day into the summer holidays, they are already driving me mental with arguing!
So, now that you are all caught up on the humdrum (all may be an overstatement, I don't think anyone much reads this drivel!) I will finish working on a couple of pieces that have been simmering throughout all this professional and personal chaos! a happy and enjoyable christmas is wished to all, and to my fellow pagans, blessed be.
My partner sadly, had a series of long haul labours, and several CS, which left her pretty shattered! This meant that we had a heavy load of postnatal work to do as well, and all things considered, we had a hell of a month.
On a personal level, that month also coincided with the organisation of my beautiful younger sisters wedding, which took place on a blissfully sunny day at the beach on the 1st of december. So I also organised a hens night, decorated my first wedding cake (it was ok, nothing exciting) and got to catch up with the wonderful girls who are and have been importnat to my sister, including her bridesmaid Nicky, flown from the distant shores of Australia to spend four whirlwind days with us!
Years ago, when they were teens, Nicky and my sister used to babysit frequently for my girls. Imagine Nicky's surprise on arriving at my sisters to discover the five year old she used to care for standing there, taller than her!
I also did several study days, had my wallet and all my ID stolen from the hospital and lived with next to no income without having any major disasters. It was also the month that lead into the end of my first year of practice: trial by fire anyone?
So, now, I wake up and find myself already at the end of December, a qualified practitioner for over a year, discharging the first of my clients back into the bad bad world. The christmass shopping is done, the presents are laid out with care under the tree. Even the christmas grocery shop has been completed, online, last night for delivery on Xmas eve.
I am preparing (slowly) for my midwifery standards review in january, and slowly starting to get my head around the fact that I am now a self employed responsible member of society. freaky.
The lady in my post on miscarriage has just discovered that she is pregnant again. she is both happy and scared, tenuously clinging to the fear that this may still not be the right time, but relieved to have conceived easily... It is all very difficult for her emotionally, but physically her body is right on track.
My children all got lovely reports,and are all doing well: though one day into the summer holidays, they are already driving me mental with arguing!
So, now that you are all caught up on the humdrum (all may be an overstatement, I don't think anyone much reads this drivel!) I will finish working on a couple of pieces that have been simmering throughout all this professional and personal chaos! a happy and enjoyable christmas is wished to all, and to my fellow pagans, blessed be.
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